she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's official drugs can't kill me
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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