It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
