Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Duck Duck Cougar?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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