Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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