I hate your face
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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