When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
