Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
