I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
