i jhust puked up my retainher.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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