I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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