I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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