apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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