Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
