dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
