im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
