Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
