Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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