i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
