I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
