He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you will always have a special place in my vag
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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