Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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