I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
