Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
