I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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