Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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