Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
