Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
