obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
