do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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