Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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