Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
