I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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