Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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