how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
