Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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