She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
