I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
