Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
