Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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