i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I stole a fireplace last night.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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