i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
