Just fell off a train. Bad.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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