it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
