the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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