Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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