I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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