I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
