Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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