From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
