Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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