I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
