I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
