If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
