she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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