know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
