OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
