I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
