So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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